"Happy Birthday Cupcake"

The past few days all of Fort Riley celebrated Victory Week. Most divisions have a time that they celebrate their heritage and it's usually somewhere around the Army's Birthday which is June 14...Flag Day.  At Fort  Riley the week is full of athletic competitions, dinners, ceremonies, and remembrances for those Soldiers who have made the ultimate sacrifice.  Fort Riley knows how to do it right, first class.  I was honored to have been able to attend so many events and to meet Chris Daughtry when he kicked off the week with a concert Sunday night.

Back stage with Daughtry

The week culminated today, June 14, with a big cake cutting celebration to honor both the Army and the Big Red One.  The division also celebrated downrange in Afghanistan.

DCSM Charles Sasser and Bill cutting the Army and BRO's birthday cake in Afghanistan with the youngest Soldier in the headquarters!
This picture came from the 1ID Facebook page

June 14 has an extra special meaning for our family because it is also the birthday of our daughter, Margie, our sweet Flag Day baby.

Her first Flag Day!

It's a day of joy for many reasons but I am oddly weepy and melancholy.  I can't shake it and I feel so frustrated that I feel this way. But, quite frankly, I'm tired of spending celebrations alone. Our sons' birthdays are coming up in a few weeks as is our 28th wedding anniversary.  All this happiness makes me sad! I'm sure every spouse of a deployed Soldier, regardless of rank, feels this way. I know I'm not the only one.
I lamented this fact to my friends, Beth and Polly (two of my sister GO wives), on the ride home from the last ceremony this morning. We all agreed that so much celebrating made us feel more cognizant of the miles between us and our spouses.
After a moment of silence and reflection my sweet friend, Polly, the spouse of our British Brigadier, posed a question. In her beautiful, soft British accent that sounds like sparkles and sweet tea she asked,
"So what are you going to do to change the way you feel today?"
At first I thought she may be asking for advice but then I realized it was more of an offering of advice. What was I going to do to change the way I felt? In reality, only I have the power to control that.
So I reminded myself that I was blessed to celebrate the Army's 237th Birthday, the 1 ID's 95th,  and all that it means for our great nation and those of us fortunate to live here. I reminded myself how blessed we are to have three beautiful children, a loving family, and a community of good friends. I reminded myself that Bill is, in fact, coming home one day when so many others are not. I also reminded myself that it's ok to be a little sad amongst the celebrations...it serves as a reminder that you truly love the one you miss.
 ...thank you for that, too, Polly!
So, I end the day happier than I began.  Maybe it's the words of wisdom from a friend. Maybe it's even the celebrations, big and small, that remind us that life is worth living it everyday...but maybe, just maybe, it's the cupcakes?!

"Happy Birthday Cupcake" from the Gatherings on the Prairie, designed by Rob Dudley. I love to give these in lieu of cards for birthdays.
Happy Birthday, Margie!

  Til next time...
DUTY FIRST!

Asolare

Packed and ready to go...again

Ahh, another deployment... 4 weeks down already.  The past few weeks have been busy but right now, at Quarters One, it's quiet.  I'm alone, except for our dog who guards me diligently as she has for each separation.  At this moment, the year ahead seems too long to tackle.  I can't believe we're beginning our 5th year-long deployment.  Our boys, now Soldiers themselves, graduated from high school during deployments 1 and 2. Our daughter went off to college during 3 and I bought our first house during 4.  Andrew graduated from Ranger school and Margie will graduate from college during 5.  Somewhere in those years, once overlapping with his father,
 our oldest son, Chas, deployed twice.

Bill visiting Chas in Nuristan, Afghanistan

My dear friend, Melissa, tells me I'm sighing a lot without even realizing it.  I wonder why? Could it be that I am settling back into that other life? Last week my husband told me it felt normal to be deployed and I, sadly, had to agree.  Neither of us like the feeling but unfortunately it was easy to slip back into our separate lives...back to a normal that is uncomfortable and ill-fitting. I didn't marry my best friend like some say. I married a good looking young LT that I was madly in love with and, over the years, he has become my best friend. 

 I'm sad and I miss this man with all my being.

Bill and I always have our picture taken on this spot every time we return to West Point.

"Asolare" a strange and little used Italian word coined by the poet Cardinal Pietro Bembo in the 15th century. Used to describe the life of exiled Cyprus Queen Catarina Cornaro, the word translates "to live in bittersweet exile".  I first learned this word when we lived in Italy and I visited the romantic town of Asolo where Catarina lived out her life in "asolare".  Living in bittersweet exile.  I felt that way in Italy during deployments 1 and 2 and I feel that way now.  Fort Riley is an amazing and warm community.  I am surrounded by wonderful neighbors, who have also become my dear friends.  I live in beautiful quarters...and those gifts are the sweet part. But, I am also far away from my children and  family on the East Coast, my home at the shore, the one I love most.... and that is the bitter part.
Asolare.

Seems like there's always someone missing in an Army family's photos, this year it was our son, Andrew.

I'm often asked by friends and family not in the military how I endure these separations. I explain that I just do, there's no plan B or acceptable alternative. To me I have no other option but to be strong and move forward, calling on faith, family, and friends for support. I believe that is my duty to hold down the home front and preserve the life here that my husband entrusted to me when he went to war. It's my duty to keep his place in our lives safe and ready for his return. I never sleep on his side of the bed or use his closet space (even though I'm sure he has more than me). I never sit in his favorite chair to watch tv (although I do happily wield the remote at will). His reading glasses and books are still where he left them ready to be picked up again. I preserve his physical "space" in my life, our life, so that he knows it still belongs to him when he redeploys. 
Living this way I have found that it is easier when he comes home to be released from "asolare" and return back to a life that is truly normal.

Til next time...Duty First

Almost Like Breakfast at Tiffany's...

Dorothy Mayville, my mother in law, at an Army wives' coffee circa 1962.  She is next to the end on the right.

I come from old school Army. Back in the day when my husband was a young LT it was routine to write your spouse (we were referred to as WIVES back then) into an officer's evaluation report (OER).  Much to my husband's chagrin I was indeed written into his first OER after we were married. Luckily, my report was favorable and this practice is forbidden today with good reason.  I mention this old fact because there was a method to the madness of  some of our Army sisters "raised" back in the day. They came from a time when they were at risk of being evaluated by the military and their performance, or rather their contribution to "the team", was perceived to be almost as important as that of their Soldier's. Today we can be ourselves and not be evaluated (in writing, at least) and honestly I think that's why we have become a little more laid back and casual.  This is good for me because I make mistakes easily but, like most people, take criticism to heart.

Recently, Fort Riley had the honor of hosting our FORSCOM (Forces Command) Commander and CSM and their spouses. We began our day by meeting at the airport and returning (wives only) back to Quarters One for coffee. Even though I have known the FORSCOM commander's spouse for many years, I still had butterflies anticipating a visit from a senior ranking officer's spouse. That quickly passed when we sat down to chat. I want everyone to know that no matter where you go in your Army life you are going to feel a little intimidated by someone and someone is going to feel a little intimidated by you! Always be yourself, as long as that self is kind, and judge not!

Here are some photos from our coffee. I am a big fan of casual elegance. That's a new "buzz word" for anything goes if it's on pretty dishes...well, that's my interpretation at least!

Keep everything simple, these French Breakfast Muffins were served warm with coffee.

We set our serving up on the coffee table in the living room. It was accessible to everyone but I did serve each guest. We had eight ladies that morning. I find that one recipe is plenty at a function such as this.

Can you tell I love white dishes? I love anything French Country or Italian. Having a set of white dishes and accessories allows you to mix and match easily even if the whites aren't exactly the same. It also gives the opportunity to add colorful pieces when you want to do so.

Here is the recipe we used for the French Breakfast Muffins    
French Breakfast Muffins

makes about 30 mini muffins

• 1 ½ C plus 2 T flour            
• ¾ sugar                                
• 2 t baking powder               
• ¼ t ground nutmeg              
• ½ C milk                             
• ½ t vanilla                   
• 1 egg, beaten
• 1/3 C butter, melted
• 1/2 C sugar plus 1 t ground cinnamon
• 1/3 C melted butter, additional for topping

Combine first 6 ingredients. Add milk, egg and 1/3 C melted butter.  Mix thoroughly, batter will be thick. Grease and flour mini muffin tins. Fill ½ full and bake at 400 degrees for 20  minutes or until lightly browned. Remove from tins while hot and immediately dip in remaining butter and roll in mixture of sugar and cinnamon. Best served warm!!

We make our own vanilla flavored sugar by storing fine baking sugar with several vanilla beans...we use this sugar in most of our baking at Quarters One.

Find us on Facebook (www.facebook.com/QuartersOne) for more photos and recipes from  Quarters One. 'Til next time...

Duty First!

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Army Wives

Frances Sasser and I with Terry Serpico "LTC Frank Sherwood"

Catherine Bell "Denise Sherwood"

Wendy Davis "COL Joan Burton"

Why yes, that is me and Frances Sasser, our DCSM's spouse, (and my fabulous "Battle Buddy") with some of the stars on Lifetime's hottest show "Army Wives". We were fortunate to attend the premiere of  Season 6 in Charleston, SC!

Several years ago I had a chance meeting with Tanya Biank, the author of the book on which the television show is based. Tanya is an Army wife and mom.  She is soft spoken, smart, and sweet and I am grateful to her for introducing me to Missy Ricker the set director for "Army Wives".  Missy,  along with Brooke Brunson her own battle buddy,  is also sweet, smart, and incredibly talented. The book, originally titled Under the Sabers: The Unwritten Code of Army Wives,  is a heartbreaking and non-fiction account of several Army families stationed at Fort Bragg, NC.  The show, however, is pure fiction and, to me... pure fun!

Missy and I outside of the sound stage in Charleston, SC

Now it just so happens that the fictional general's wife "Claudia Joy" (played by Kim Delaney) and I have several things in common.  I am, in fact, Claudia Shand, (yes really)!  I am from Charleston, SC where the show is taped and where the fictional Fort Marshall is located. And I am married to a 2 star general who is also a division commander. We are both actively involved in our communities only mine is real and hers is, well...not.

 After spending time on the set and meeting the most fascinating people behind the scenes I can tell you what IS real about "Army Wives" and that is the genuine desire to be as authentic as possible and still stay intriguing. (This is a TV drama, after all!) You can not imagine the time and all the moving parts and people it takes to produce one scene on this show. I can attest that this is one of the happiest and friendliest crew of people I have ever met. This past Sunday's episode was one I was privileged to watch taping and it was so cool to see all that work come alive on the screen!

The Army Wives Bluebird bus...we're on it!

So, I've digressed and my part comes in here...I was asked (via my connection to Tanya and Missy) to give some perspective on a new general's wife coming to the show, Jackie Clarke (played by Kelli Williams). I was also asked about my quarters and how we decorated. This past summer  "Army Wives" asked if  I would video tape our quarters for research purposes for some of the show's sets. I did, and I included some friend's quarters too, and the rest is television magic! Since we are fortunate enough, for the time being, to live parallel lives to some of the senior characters on the show I have given some input here and there. It's been fun to see some of my own home and Army life transported to the "set homes" and fictional lives of the Holdens and Clarkes.  I volunteer this information strictly, without compensation, and it is my version of the Army and how we live in Quarters One at Fort Riley.

My oldest son in Iraq. 

This photo may also make an appearance on the show with a little "photo shopping"!
Follow Quarters One Facebook (www.facebook.com/QuartersOne) page to see some updates following each show this season.
 "Army Wives" shows on Lifetime Sunday at 9PM on the east coast and 8 PM for those of us in Kansas...lucky us!!
Til next time....Duty First!

UDATE: Here's the new photo as looked on the set in "MG Clarke's" office…it isn't really possible for a 2 star today to shake hands with a 4 Star Petraeus as a CPT, but hey, only I would have noticed that. (Probably because my son is still a CPT!!)