With Gratitude

A good day....the bed is made!

Wait...how did more than two months go by since I wrote on this blog?! Like so many other "things on my to do list"  this year it was put off for another day.  After many deployments I consider myself somewhat of an expert on goal setting and time management. For some reason, this deployment was different. (Having a child deployed, along with my husband, definitely doubled my anxiety.)  All the goals I set for myself like getting in better shape, brushing up on my Italian, and learning to play the guitar just completely slipped away from me.  (Maybe the guitar was a stretch anyway? )
There were too many days I was proud of myself for making the bed...ok...too many days I was proud of myself for getting out of the bed!

 The deal is, when the division commander deploys there's not an SOP (translation... standard operating procedure) for his or her spouse. In fact, there's not an SOP at all, ever.  No one lays it out and tells you what is expected of you. It's overwhelming. I have no official roll when he is gone (and only an unofficial role when he's here) and whatever role I wanted to play I had to create.  So, after I made the decision to get out of bed every morning, I decided I would just be myself.  That wasn't good enough for some people, and I make no apologies to them, but it worked for me.  I find that if you consistently play yourself you never forget your lines or miss your cues.

Every division commander's spouse feels differently about his or her place in their community. I see my role more like a cheerleader and guidance counselor than the class president. My place is on the sidelines and I let those who are much younger, and have much more energy, lead and make the tough decisions. I've been there and done that so now I choose to play a supporting part and I extend my gratitude to all. And my gratitude is sincere and heartfelt. I truly appreciate everything that is done in this community to make Fort Riley a better place to live...and wait. 

 I love to entertain and share Quarters One with as many people as possible. Any chance I get to open our home to say hello, farewell, or just thank you, I will take.  Hopefully, I have succeeded in making people feel welcome and appreciated. Even as I write this, I realize that there are so many spouses I didn't have a chance to connect with this year. I can only hope that everyone who did visit Quarters One left with a happy heart. 
I suppose if I re-evaluate and make my deployment goal a simpler one (hindsight is 20/20, after all) then it would have been to show my gratitude to everyone possible, whenever possible, and as many times as possible.
In that case, hopefully, I accomplished something after all.

If you want to know more about Quarters One you can follow us at www.Facebook.com/Quartersone.

'Til next time 

Duty First!

Wishing You a Peaceful New Year

Happy New Year and Peace on earth from Quarters One!

Military families and Soldiers wish for peace more than anyone else in the world. I'm no exception. As an  Army spouse, and mother of two Soldiers, my fervent wish for the New Year is that there be Peace on Earth.
I truly believe that peace begins at home, in our own backyards and neighborhoods. That's why I am always surprised when I hear military spouses bickering, gossiping, and being generally unsupportive of each other. Our husbands, wives, sons, and daughters are fighting and dying in Afghanistan and still there are those who seem to care more about who passed who without saying hello or who didn't attend a function someone thought important.
"Let there be peace on Earth and let it begin with me" goes the 1955 song.  Let peace begin with us by thinking before we speak, tweet, post, or write an email criticizing someone. No matter how much we think we know...we can never truly understand the path someone has traveled to bring them to the place they are today. From simple observation, or living in close proximity, there may be no indications as to who might be fighting for their lives, caring for elderly parents, dealing with a death in their family.  We can have no idea who may be bearing financial burdens or dealing with emotional trauma.
We have no idea why someone makes the decisions to be somewhere or do something we don't understand.
I am not immune to the criticism of others. And, truthfully, I'm not innocent of judging others either. But, I have learned a lot from a lifetime as a military spouse and one of the biggest lessons I've learned is this: no matter what we think we know about another person, we can never know everything, and we have absolutely no right to stand in judgement of anyone.
Fortunately, more often than not, I see countless spouses build each other up and support one another.  I see them forgive each other, love each other, and come together as family in this crazy Army life. They are ready with a bottle of wine, a shoulder, whispers of encouragement, or just a hug. I see so many spouses speak kindly and thoughtfully...and lead by quiet, positive example.  These actions do not go unnoticed.
But, if you are one of the few that don't have it, I wish for you a peace that "passes all understanding".
That you may love your neighbor, accept them with all of their faults, and embrace your differences. I wish that you will think twice, and then once more, before you form an opinion of anyone and unleash a judgment that can not be taken back. "Water and words, easy to pour but impossible to recover".

Let there be peace on Earth and let it begin right here with all of us.
'Til next time...

Happy New Year, Duty First!

(You can follow Quarters One on Facebook at www.facebook.com/QuartersOne)

Brown Dog

Camy

She came tumbling out of a box of six small puppies on the front lawn of Campground Methodist Church in Fayetteville, NC. Some blond, some black, and one feisty brown and red.  She couldn't have been more than 4 pounds of fluff. Her owner said she was almost 6 weeks old, a mix between and long-haired Dachshund and a Pomeranian. They named her "Juliette" but we called her Camy. An acronym of sorts for my children Chas, Andrew, Margie. (The 'y' came later since all names seem cuter with a 'y' at the end.) For some reason, Bill always called her "Brown Dog".

We brought  Camy home and she quickly won us all over...except maybe our black lab, Tinley, who was not quite sure what to make of this ball of energy. Camy ruled the roost. I think she firmly believed she was also a black lab and acted accordingly. Chasing much larger neighborhood dogs and other creatures, she was fearless. She was also full of joy. She loved the woods, the ocean (she was a great swimmer) and kept up with her much larger companion with out a misstep.  She always seemed thoroughly  mortified if anyone picked her up. She would get this look on her sweet face that said "You know I'm a black lab, right?"  We even started to tell everyone that's what she was!

She loved to swim

Always looking for the next adventure

She was a great traveler, as all Army Brats are.  We moved with Camy and Tinley to Newport, RI then to Vicenza, Italy and next to Stuttgart, Germany.  We lost Tinley in Germany. She went down quickly which I guess was a blessing. We mourned for her...all of us, including Camy, who seemed to looked for her everywhere.  

When we moved back to NC Camy was 10 years old. Her little face starting to gray but mind and body still behaving like a puppy. She would run for golf balls, leap after squirrels, bark at the doorbell, and welcome anyone into the house with unconditional love. 

The children went to college, Bill deployed, and she was my constant companion. She would jump happily into my Mini Cooper and we would take off to visit friends and family.

In February of 2012 she turned 14 and I could tell her hearing wasn't as sharp but her spirit was going strong. Bill  deployed again and I was grateful to have this pup here at Quarters One.  She was a small dog but she had enough energy to fill up  9,000 square feet of old house.

Ever watchful on the porch at Quarters One

For Camy, the end came quickly, too. Our veterinarian, Dr. Casey Thomas, was caring and kind.  To be alone and have to make the decision to let my old girl go was the hardest, and saddest, decision of my life. The final day of summer I said good-bye.

 I miss her boundless joy and her happiness for just being alive. I miss her companionship and devotion. I spent more time with Camy in the past 14 years than I have with my husband. I literally walk around  Quarters One crying shoulder shaking sobs. My heart is broken and my soul is bruised. Her bed sits empty, I can't bear to move it since it still has the imprint of her little body the last time she lay there. Her ashes are tucked safely in a small box and someday, when we go home, we'll free them unto the places she loved the most.
I  swear the night I brought them home I heard the tip tapping of her little paws on our hardwood floors, ever so briefly, just to say goodbye before she ran off after a new adventure.

My sweet friend, I will always miss you I feel blessed to have loved and been loved by you

Thank you to my amazing group of neighbors, friends and family who understand what it means to lose a pet who is so dear to your heart...I sincerely thank you for your support.
'Til Next Time...Duty First

Remembrance

All over the country, and indeed, all over the world a few days ago we remembered the acts both terrible and heroic of September 11, 2001. Eleven years ago I sat with my best friend, Lisa, in a parking lot  in Newport, RI drinking Dunkin Donuts coffee and listening to the radio.  We were incredulous that such news about the Twin Towers, the Pentagon, and a remote field in Pennsylvania was unfolding before us.  I remember being thankful that our children were tucked safely in school and we could shield them from the horror of the day.

I could never have imagined that we would be where we are eleven years later.  Like so many others, the tempo of our lives forever changed that day.  Between us, Lisa and I have five children that have graduated or are attending the United States Military Academy.  My oldest son has deployed twice and my youngest son deploys this winter....all having followed their fathers' footsteps into what we proudly, and a little grudgingly, call "the family business".

My sons have lost more friends than any one should at such young ages. I grieve with my children and for my children over the deaths of their brave and honorable friends. 

At our 9/11 Memorial ceremony, I sat and listened to the roll call of names of the Big Red One Soldiers that gave their lives this year and I couldn't help but think of their mothers. Each name, so thoughtfully picked out when they were born.  Each mother tenderly holding that sweet new baby whispering blessings for a long and prosperous life filled with love and laughter.  No mother thinking of a time that her precious child, whose name she chose ever so carefully, would grow up to have their name read at a public memorial ceremony honoring their ultimate sacrifice.  My heart is broken in a million pieces for mothers who will never have another night of peaceful sleep.  

Almost everyone I know wears a KIA bracelet. Mine bears the name of SGT Andrew McConnell, a high school classmate of my sons'. An Army brat, Andrew was a serious, goal oriented young man and the oldest of five sisters.  I remember him fondly and his burning desire to join the Army.  Andrew was killed Sept 14, 2009 in Afghanistan.  I think of his mother often and I grieve with her from afar.

I don't believe we live in a fully grateful nation. I believe there are far too many of our fellow citizens who 'do not know and do not care to know how we live' and the sacrifices our sons and daughters make of their own free will.  This small group of amazing people, "the less than 1%",  sacrifice so that we ALL may live without fear....I remember them, I remember their mothers, everyday...not just September 11th.... and you should too.

In memory of 

Ed Murphy

Andrew McConnell

Chase Prasnicki

Todd Lambka
Dimitri DelCastillo
Michael Cerrone
Faith Hinkley
David Lodwick

La Bella Luce

"Every lock should have a key and every key should have a tassel"

A tassel from Venice hangs on an armoire we bought in Germany
(Quarters One annex)

My dear friend, Aly, said this to me once as we whirled through a fabric market in Piazzola sul Brenta, Italy.  Quarters One, with it's French country and Italian villa decor, is partially the result of my long friendship with this fiery Cuban chick from Miami. I love her and her sense of style. Her amazing taste in decor and talent for entertaining makes her a remarkable woman.  Aly can turn any plain set of  quarters into something out of Home Beautiful overnight. Did I mention she is the wife of a deployed Soldier and taking great care of the families in their unit? Raising two children? And managing her shop "La Bella Luce" in Clifton, VA from Italy where they are stationed? Army Wife extraordinaire!

On Main Street in historic Clifton, VA
Pronounced La Bella LOO-CHAY meaning beautiful light

I don't think Aly even remembers saying the line above to me.  I think about it constantly as a metaphor for taking the most simple of things or spaces and making them beautiful.  Big or small, military quarters or a simple apartment, your space should tell your story in your own way.
 And don't put it off. Today is your day.
Here are some photos from La Bella Luce which always gives me great inspiration (not to mention unique treasures)  for much of Quarters One.  Stop in the next time you're on Main Street in Clifton for a good idea or a great find, you won't regret it.  If you can't get to the market in Piazzola sul Brenta then this is the next best thing!

Take ordinary and make it extraordinary
(and a chandelier is never out of place)

La Bella Luce's venue is an historic home, it makes it all the more fun to shop and get ideas

Italian wine jugs known as  damigiana (s)

Love this cucina

Another kitchen view

Sweet dreams

Even the bathroom is full of vintage finds

For more photos of historic Quarters One and La Bella Luce visit us on Facebook at www.facebook.com/QuartersOne
'Til next time...
Duty First!

Part Two of Beyond Place Settings and Receiving Lines: Ten Things the Commander's Wife Wishes She Could Tell You

A revised version...

On the set of Army Wives, LTG Holden (Brian McNamara) explaining to Chas and I how much generals appreciate being invited to a party! He is a really great guy and he does look a little like Bill.
 (A slight bending of rule #8!)

5.  COMMANDERS ARE PEOPLE TOO...your commander and spouse may not always be available to socialize but they do appreciate being invited to parties and neighborhood get togethers.   People don't always feel they can be themselves when the commander is around so my advice to the commander is not to stay too long! Join the fun for a little while and then let the rest of the party goers do their thing. (as to not break rule # 10!!)

Love a creatively wrapped gift!

4. THANK YOU NOTES and HOSTESS GIFTS.... thank you notes, YES, always write them! They should be prompt and formally addressed to your host and hostess even if you're on a first name basis. Technically, they should be written after the function even if you brought a hostess gift.
When you're invited to an event in someone's quarters bringing a small hostess gift is a thoughtful gesture.  Bring something appropriate for the time of day and event.  Sometimes the invitation will read, "No Hostess Gifts", this request should always be respected.
There are formal protocol events that are held in the home of general officers which do not require you bring hostess gifts. You can check with your local protocol office for guidance.
A note about coffee groups, the commander's spouse should always bring a gift to the hostess on behalf of the entire coffee group.

Chandelier and clocks hanging in La Bella Luce, one of my favorite stores and future blogs!

3.  TO BE OR NOT TO BE (Late, Early, or On Time)...NEVER,  please NEVER, arrive earlier than the invitation states.  Don't ring the bell and say you're there to help, if the hostess needed help she would have asked for it.  Don't make an excuse for coming early because this is something you control...pass the time by waiting in your car or walking around the block.
Do arrive ON TIME or within 15 minutes of the designated time. If you're going to be too much later, especially if there is a dinner involved, please call and let your hostess know you're running late. Don't email and don't text at the last minute.
You must be ON TIME, never late, to an event that has a designated time block as you are only allotted a certain amount of time for the visit. Watch your time and say your good-byes according to the time on your invitation.

Army wives coffee, circa 1960, back in the day when your husband could be reprimanded for your lack of decorum.  I'm glad those days are behind us. (My lovely mother-in-law in standing in the dark dress!)

2. WHAT SHOULD I WEAR... Today, there are all sorts of new"dress codes" with quirky names like casual elegance, cowboy formal (huh?), informal but formally known as casual.  Seriously, it is no wonder nobody knows how to dress for anything! My first piece of advice is if you'd wear it to bed then you probably shouldn't wear it to a ball,  a redeployment ceremony, an FRG meeting, or the commissary...just to name a few.  That goes for pajama variations and all other assortments of skimpy and ill-fitting outfits.
When it comes to military functions, I believe in leading by example. But the bottom line is, as seasoned spouses, we can't make other spouses wear what we think is appropriate.  What you wear shows your respect, or LACK of respect, for the  military uniform that your spouse wears.  He or she wears that uniform proudly and your dress should compliment your spouse and reflect their commitment to their unit, service, and our country. Remember, no matter who you are someone is watching you. You are always an example for someone...so be a good one in your actions and appearance.

A timeless quote from a Facebook posting by my beautiful and fashionable friend, Gaby.

1.  RSVP, RSVP, RSVP!!!!!  RSVP means "repondez s'il vous plait" which basically translates "I INVITED YOU SO TELL ME IF YOU'RE COMING OR NOT"! (Ok, so that's not the literal translation!)  If someone is kind enough to send you an invitation be kind enough to respond.  You really don't want to get a call from the commander's office asking if you're coming to an event because you or your spouse have forgotten to RSVP.  And for heaven's sake, if you do forget, DON'T show up thinking it will be ok. You will only embarrass yourself and your hostess who will have assumed by that time you aren't coming...and you don't care.  Please call and apologize or explain.
If you RSVP "yes" for a paying event and then find out you can't make it YOU ARE STILL RESPONSIBLE FOR PAYING unless you've made appropriate arrangements with the sponsor of the event. This goes for formals, welcomes, farewells, ect.
If you don't remember anything else about protocol, please, at least remember to RSVP…and don't arrive early!

Photo of our guest book taken by our PAO at Fort Riley.

If you'd like more tips on protocol and military etiquette, I highly recommend the online document "Basics From the Barracks" written by the spouses of the Army War College class of 2010-2011.
 If you're interested in more on Quarters One follow us on Facebook at www.facebook.com/QuartersOne
'Til next time...
Duty First!

Beyond Place Settings and Receiving Lines: Ten Things the Commander's Wife Wishes She Could Tell You

My favorite quote from the book "Well- Behaved Women Seldom Make History" by Laurel Thatcher Ulrich
This sign sits in my home office.

Part One of a Two Part Series...
Several years ago I was asked to give a protocol presentation to a coffee group. Since there is more written about protocol than you can discuss in 10 years I decided to take a different approach. I asked all of my friends who were spouses of brigade and division commanders, other senior officers, and senior NCOs ... if they could give one piece of social advice to the spouses in their unit, what would it be? This is the result. I have briefed this many times and, believe it or not, I have spouses who want to argue some of the points. 
You would think this would be common sense but you'd be surprised!
At any rate, agree or not, these are the results of my poll and I will say that I concur with them all.  I love the saying above and I do believe that it is possible to be "well-behaved" and express yourself creatively. 

 10.  ALCOHOL...please watch the consumption of it. Nothing is as uncomfortable at an official social event as an intoxicated spouse (or Soldier).  There is nothing pretty about a drunk...and it will be remembered and these days most likely photographed and posted on all sorts of social media.  That will follow you, and your spouse's career, forever.

9.  SOCIAL MEDIA and GOSSIP...my dear friend Gina always says, "As an Army spouse there are things you want to say and things you get to say." Figure out which is which and be very careful about what you post, text, tweet, pin, tag...ect.  "Water and words are easy to pour but impossible to recover", goes the old proverb. Gossip of any type should never be tolerated by any of us or the spouses in our units.  We can never know the road someone walked to bring them where they are in life, it's not for us to judge, and certainly not for us to broadcast on any type of social media.

8.  STAY IN YOUR LANE....spouses do not hold rank. (unless of course they do, then that's another list!) Admittedly, the Army asks much of spouses because of their Soldier's rank or job but under no circumstances do spouses have authority over military personnel...EVER. 
We can, and should, form a working relationship with our Soldier's personal staff and/or rear detachment but our relationship should be one of cooperation and respect. These Soldiers (and their spouses) are never under our command nor should they ever be threatened or warned as if they were. Along the same note, while it is wonderful to be proud of our spouses it is equally as wonderful to be humble. Talking about rank, evaluations, rates of promotion, or "who you know" is distasteful.

7.  COFFEE GROUPS...If your unit has a coffee group and you participate you really should take a turn hosting.  If you're not comfortable hosting in your home it is certainly acceptable to make arrangements at a restaurant or other venue. (Or outside under that beautiful chandelier!) However, since you are the hostess for this event you should provide something for the group. A round of drinks, appetizers, small favors, something that puts your signature on the event, just as if you had opened your quarters.  Everyone will be so appreciative, especially the commander's spouse!

6. CHILDREN...the generally accepted rule is that children over the age of 6 months should not attend social functions that do not specifically state that children are welcome. 
Never bring children of any age to a formal. Never bring children to evening events such as Hail and Farewells or coffees unless they have been deemed acceptable for families. Not all events are appropriate for children! 
Never ask to bring children to a unit social function, especially in someone's home. This puts the hostess in an awkward position.  If no sitter can be found it's best to make your regrets with an explanation. This gives the hostess the opportunity to invite your children or to let you know that she looks forward to seeing you at another event.  

Well, this does it for Part One! If you're interested in more on Quarters One you can follow us at www.facebook.com/QuartersOne
'Til next time...
Duty First!

Buon Apetito!

On the patio we have 4 green umbrellas and 1 Big Red One, pun intended!

Buon Apetito... Italian for "Have a good meal"!
 One thing Quarters One has plenty of is dining space.  If the weather is just right we can easily seat almost 50 guests inside and out.  From the back patio and front porch that seats 28, to the dining room table that can (but never will while we're in residence) seat 24, to the sweet sunroom that looks like a spot from an Italian cafe and seats 4.
Now would we? That's a different question! When we were dining officially, we once sat 18 in the formal dining room and we decided that was just a few too many to be comfortable.

Set for an official dinner with china and linens that belong to Quarters One. Often,  flowers are paid for but in most cases I like to do them myself.

This stunning chandelier, belonging to Q1, is called a Maria Theresa chandelier. Maria Theresa, from the Hapsburg family of Austria,  was the mother of  Marie Antoinette. Because she was so fond of the crystal encapsulated chandelier they became known by her name. There are two smaller versions in the hall and foyer. This chandelier is not original to the house, it's only found residence here within the past 8 years.

The dining room table that belongs to Q1 is actually 2 tables fashioned together. The walls are painted in Sherwin William's "Butternut".

Being the 1ID Commander also comes with the responsibilities as post commander of Fort Riley.  Typically, the highest ranking general officer on post also holds the title of senior mission commander or post commander (different from the garrison commander).  Several other division commands in the Army are the same.  With the title comes many obligations for entertaining and there are rules governing formal entertaining.  Fortunately, there is also a little funding that is provided but those funds do not apply to Quarters One currently so any entertaining done here is out of pocket and strictly by choice.
 Here are some photos of the "eating spaces" at Quarters One!

The breakfast room, added to the house circa 1935,  I love the exterior walls, it's just like sitting at an Italian  cafe.  The walls in this room are painted in Cobble Brown by Sherwin Williams.

One of the 2 tables on the front porch!

Game table cleared and ready for diners!

Another view of the patio

Our menu was pretty wide open when Bill was here but now that it's just me I really prefer meals that can be done in advance so I can still enjoy my guests.  When we have a big crowd, the Victory Group Ladies make the best team as we all get together and put on pretty amazing events.  We also love The Blue Egg, a catering business owned and operated by one of our very own BRO spouses!

There are several china sets stored at Quarters One, this one is my very favorite.

If you like to see more before and after photos of the dining spaces at Quarters One (and a few vintage shots too) visit us on Facebook! 

www.facebook.com/QuartersOne

'Til next time...

Duty First!

Salad Bar Social

"Some of the nicest as well as liveliest parties I have ever attended were in cramped little quarters that were made gay and brilliant with loving attention and pleasant talk. The raw material of a successful party, never forget, is neither food nor drink-it's the people."  
The Army Wife by Nancy Shea (1948)

I love this rustic rooster that stands guard in our breakfast room!

Anyone who knows me knows I'm a little bit of a control freak when it comes to entertaining...surprise! (ok, maybe more than just entertaining) I don't think I'm the best cook, decorator, or hostess, by any means. I'm surrounded by friends and neighbors who do a much better job than I do. But, in my own space I like to control it all and make my self a little crazy... eek!

I have borrowed these jars from Frances numerous times and they've held everything from salad to vodka punch!

Recently, we hosted a "Salad Bar Social" at Quarters One for our 1ID commanders' and CSMs' spouses. I provided the salad and dressings and I asked (gasp!!) that everyone bring their favorite salad topping.  Of course, the control freak part of me went out and bought tons of toppings just in case we ended up with 30 bowls of black olives!  Needless to say, we did not end up with 30 bowls of black olives, in fact, we didn't have one duplication. 

Dressing looks much prettier in vintage jars!

The finished table...it was light and perfect for summer!

We entertain often at Quarters One.  At our level in the Army I believe it is my place to take care of those who are directly taking care of our Soldiers and their families.  It's not my business to be "in" the business of brigades, battalions, and 03 level commands, unless I'm asked for advice or to intervene. (Been there, done that) Brigade and battalion level command spouses have a tough job, if they choose to take on the role. I see my role as a supporting one for them and their amazing sacrifices and selfless service to those in their respective units.  

We had a simple bar with red and white wine, water,  sweet tea and, of course, vodka...  We also had a fabulous dessert bar, thanks to Frances who brought an amazing banana pudding that fed us all!
Thanks, Tracy, for my "Drink Me" bottle opener!

Anytime I can entertain at Quarters One to thank someone or a group of people I love to do so. Bill and I both feel strongly about that. So, to our wonderful spouses... Thank you!! You have our gratitude and, I try to say this often, please consider yourselves thanked from us...we truly appreciate all you do seen and unseen.

Sweet hostess gift of lemon mint...one of my favorite things to  receive...thanks, Sue!

Our Salad Social Menu
for 30
5 bags of greens mix for each jar (we used 3)
Garlic bread sticks (from a can, roll in butter, and parmesan cheese, sprinkle with garlic salt)
we used 4 rolls
Fruit, Pepperidge Farm cookies, and Banana Pudding for dessert
Wine, both red and white, water, sweet tea, and a bottle of vodka for the bar

For more photos of historic Quarters One and the Salad Bar Social look for us on Facebook
(www.facebook.com/QuartersOne)

'Til next time...
Duty First!!