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Part Two of Beyond Place Settings and Receiving Lines: Ten Things the Commander's Wife Wishes She Could Tell You

A revised version...

On the set of Army Wives, LTG Holden (Brian McNamara) explaining to Chas and I how much generals appreciate being invited to a party! He is a really great guy and he does look a little like Bill.
 (A slight bending of rule #8!)

5.  COMMANDERS ARE PEOPLE TOO...your commander and spouse may not always be available to socialize but they do appreciate being invited to parties and neighborhood get togethers.   People don't always feel they can be themselves when the commander is around so my advice to the commander is not to stay too long! Join the fun for a little while and then let the rest of the party goers do their thing. (as to not break rule # 10!!)

Love a creatively wrapped gift!

4. THANK YOU NOTES and HOSTESS GIFTS.... thank you notes, YES, always write them! They should be prompt and formally addressed to your host and hostess even if you're on a first name basis. Technically, they should be written after the function even if you brought a hostess gift.
When you're invited to an event in someone's quarters bringing a small hostess gift is a thoughtful gesture.  Bring something appropriate for the time of day and event.  Sometimes the invitation will read, "No Hostess Gifts", this request should always be respected.
There are formal protocol events that are held in the home of general officers which do not require you bring hostess gifts. You can check with your local protocol office for guidance.
A note about coffee groups, the commander's spouse should always bring a gift to the hostess on behalf of the entire coffee group.

Chandelier and clocks hanging in La Bella Luce, one of my favorite stores and future blogs!

3.  TO BE OR NOT TO BE (Late, Early, or On Time)...NEVER,  please NEVER, arrive earlier than the invitation states.  Don't ring the bell and say you're there to help, if the hostess needed help she would have asked for it.  Don't make an excuse for coming early because this is something you control...pass the time by waiting in your car or walking around the block.
Do arrive ON TIME or within 15 minutes of the designated time. If you're going to be too much later, especially if there is a dinner involved, please call and let your hostess know you're running late. Don't email and don't text at the last minute.
You must be ON TIME, never late, to an event that has a designated time block as you are only allotted a certain amount of time for the visit. Watch your time and say your good-byes according to the time on your invitation.

Army wives coffee, circa 1960, back in the day when your husband could be reprimanded for your lack of decorum.  I'm glad those days are behind us. (My lovely mother-in-law in standing in the dark dress!)

2. WHAT SHOULD I WEAR... Today, there are all sorts of new"dress codes" with quirky names like casual elegance, cowboy formal (huh?), informal but formally known as casual.  Seriously, it is no wonder nobody knows how to dress for anything! My first piece of advice is if you'd wear it to bed then you probably shouldn't wear it to a ball,  a redeployment ceremony, an FRG meeting, or the commissary...just to name a few.  That goes for pajama variations and all other assortments of skimpy and ill-fitting outfits.
When it comes to military functions, I believe in leading by example. But the bottom line is, as seasoned spouses, we can't make other spouses wear what we think is appropriate.  What you wear shows your respect, or LACK of respect, for the  military uniform that your spouse wears.  He or she wears that uniform proudly and your dress should compliment your spouse and reflect their commitment to their unit, service, and our country. Remember, no matter who you are someone is watching you. You are always an example for someone...so be a good one in your actions and appearance.

A timeless quote from a Facebook posting by my beautiful and fashionable friend, Gaby.

1.  RSVP, RSVP, RSVP!!!!!  RSVP means "repondez s'il vous plait" which basically translates "I INVITED YOU SO TELL ME IF YOU'RE COMING OR NOT"! (Ok, so that's not the literal translation!)  If someone is kind enough to send you an invitation be kind enough to respond.  You really don't want to get a call from the commander's office asking if you're coming to an event because you or your spouse have forgotten to RSVP.  And for heaven's sake, if you do forget, DON'T show up thinking it will be ok. You will only embarrass yourself and your hostess who will have assumed by that time you aren't coming...and you don't care.  Please call and apologize or explain.
If you RSVP "yes" for a paying event and then find out you can't make it YOU ARE STILL RESPONSIBLE FOR PAYING unless you've made appropriate arrangements with the sponsor of the event. This goes for formals, welcomes, farewells, ect.
If you don't remember anything else about protocol, please, at least remember to RSVP…and don't arrive early!

Photo of our guest book taken by our PAO at Fort Riley.

If you'd like more tips on protocol and military etiquette, I highly recommend the online document "Basics From the Barracks" written by the spouses of the Army War College class of 2010-2011.
 If you're interested in more on Quarters One follow us on Facebook at www.facebook.com/QuartersOne
'Til next time...
Duty First!

Asolare

Packed and ready to go...again

Ahh, another deployment... 4 weeks down already.  The past few weeks have been busy but right now, at Quarters One, it's quiet.  I'm alone, except for our dog who guards me diligently as she has for each separation.  At this moment, the year ahead seems too long to tackle.  I can't believe we're beginning our 5th year-long deployment.  Our boys, now Soldiers themselves, graduated from high school during deployments 1 and 2. Our daughter went off to college during 3 and I bought our first house during 4.  Andrew graduated from Ranger school and Margie will graduate from college during 5.  Somewhere in those years, once overlapping with his father,
 our oldest son, Chas, deployed twice.

Bill visiting Chas in Nuristan, Afghanistan

My dear friend, Melissa, tells me I'm sighing a lot without even realizing it.  I wonder why? Could it be that I am settling back into that other life? Last week my husband told me it felt normal to be deployed and I, sadly, had to agree.  Neither of us like the feeling but unfortunately it was easy to slip back into our separate lives...back to a normal that is uncomfortable and ill-fitting. I didn't marry my best friend like some say. I married a good looking young LT that I was madly in love with and, over the years, he has become my best friend. 

 I'm sad and I miss this man with all my being.

Bill and I always have our picture taken on this spot every time we return to West Point.

"Asolare" a strange and little used Italian word coined by the poet Cardinal Pietro Bembo in the 15th century. Used to describe the life of exiled Cyprus Queen Catarina Cornaro, the word translates "to live in bittersweet exile".  I first learned this word when we lived in Italy and I visited the romantic town of Asolo where Catarina lived out her life in "asolare".  Living in bittersweet exile.  I felt that way in Italy during deployments 1 and 2 and I feel that way now.  Fort Riley is an amazing and warm community.  I am surrounded by wonderful neighbors, who have also become my dear friends.  I live in beautiful quarters...and those gifts are the sweet part. But, I am also far away from my children and  family on the East Coast, my home at the shore, the one I love most.... and that is the bitter part.
Asolare.

Seems like there's always someone missing in an Army family's photos, this year it was our son, Andrew.

I'm often asked by friends and family not in the military how I endure these separations. I explain that I just do, there's no plan B or acceptable alternative. To me I have no other option but to be strong and move forward, calling on faith, family, and friends for support. I believe that is my duty to hold down the home front and preserve the life here that my husband entrusted to me when he went to war. It's my duty to keep his place in our lives safe and ready for his return. I never sleep on his side of the bed or use his closet space (even though I'm sure he has more than me). I never sit in his favorite chair to watch tv (although I do happily wield the remote at will). His reading glasses and books are still where he left them ready to be picked up again. I preserve his physical "space" in my life, our life, so that he knows it still belongs to him when he redeploys. 
Living this way I have found that it is easier when he comes home to be released from "asolare" and return back to a life that is truly normal.

Til next time...Duty First

Almost Like Breakfast at Tiffany's...

Dorothy Mayville, my mother in law, at an Army wives' coffee circa 1962.  She is next to the end on the right.

I come from old school Army. Back in the day when my husband was a young LT it was routine to write your spouse (we were referred to as WIVES back then) into an officer's evaluation report (OER).  Much to my husband's chagrin I was indeed written into his first OER after we were married. Luckily, my report was favorable and this practice is forbidden today with good reason.  I mention this old fact because there was a method to the madness of  some of our Army sisters "raised" back in the day. They came from a time when they were at risk of being evaluated by the military and their performance, or rather their contribution to "the team", was perceived to be almost as important as that of their Soldier's. Today we can be ourselves and not be evaluated (in writing, at least) and honestly I think that's why we have become a little more laid back and casual.  This is good for me because I make mistakes easily but, like most people, take criticism to heart.

Recently, Fort Riley had the honor of hosting our FORSCOM (Forces Command) Commander and CSM and their spouses. We began our day by meeting at the airport and returning (wives only) back to Quarters One for coffee. Even though I have known the FORSCOM commander's spouse for many years, I still had butterflies anticipating a visit from a senior ranking officer's spouse. That quickly passed when we sat down to chat. I want everyone to know that no matter where you go in your Army life you are going to feel a little intimidated by someone and someone is going to feel a little intimidated by you! Always be yourself, as long as that self is kind, and judge not!

Here are some photos from our coffee. I am a big fan of casual elegance. That's a new "buzz word" for anything goes if it's on pretty dishes...well, that's my interpretation at least!

Keep everything simple, these French Breakfast Muffins were served warm with coffee.

We set our serving up on the coffee table in the living room. It was accessible to everyone but I did serve each guest. We had eight ladies that morning. I find that one recipe is plenty at a function such as this.

Can you tell I love white dishes? I love anything French Country or Italian. Having a set of white dishes and accessories allows you to mix and match easily even if the whites aren't exactly the same. It also gives the opportunity to add colorful pieces when you want to do so.

Here is the recipe we used for the French Breakfast Muffins    
French Breakfast Muffins

makes about 30 mini muffins

• 1 ½ C plus 2 T flour            
• ¾ sugar                                
• 2 t baking powder               
• ¼ t ground nutmeg              
• ½ C milk                             
• ½ t vanilla                   
• 1 egg, beaten
• 1/3 C butter, melted
• 1/2 C sugar plus 1 t ground cinnamon
• 1/3 C melted butter, additional for topping

Combine first 6 ingredients. Add milk, egg and 1/3 C melted butter.  Mix thoroughly, batter will be thick. Grease and flour mini muffin tins. Fill ½ full and bake at 400 degrees for 20  minutes or until lightly browned. Remove from tins while hot and immediately dip in remaining butter and roll in mixture of sugar and cinnamon. Best served warm!!

We make our own vanilla flavored sugar by storing fine baking sugar with several vanilla beans...we use this sugar in most of our baking at Quarters One.

Find us on Facebook (www.facebook.com/QuartersOne) for more photos and recipes from  Quarters One. 'Til next time...

Duty First!

.

Come On In...

"Jack fumed when he saw it, and declared we could not take it all, as it exceeded our allowance of weight. I declared we must take it, or we could not exist." Martha Summerhayes, Army wife, 1874 I adore this quote and wouldn't you know, nearly 134 years later,  Army wives are still saying the same thing! Seriously, though, don't we all dread moving out, moving in...what's going to fit, what should have been tossed years ago and why did I throw out those things I really need now?! Welcome to 9,000 square feet of design dilemma!  I have photos of all of my furniture and artwork so that I can place everything either with a floor plan or during a quick walk through before the movers get there. I agonize over this for weeks, it's just in my DNA. But I recommend making a plan and sticking to it. I had a floor plan of Quarters One and a few photos before we moved in, but the night before we got our key that was me peeking in the windows with a flashlight! Here are some photos of Quarters One on moving day...eek! The historical photo above is Quarters One circa 1900.

This is the grand hall. Really, I don't know what to say about it, it's just big! There are double french doors to the front porch and transom windows all original to the house.  The chandelier is one of 2 Maria Theresa chandeliers that belong to the house, added in the past few years. The fire place is one of 5...4 of which share the same chimney.  Those 4 are non-working. Originally the house was heated with radiators, some of which they left for historical reasons...there's one here in the hall.

The bench on the staircase gives a good respite for the long walk up to the sleeping floor, just kidding, it's not that far! It is an interesting feature and it looks onto Forsyth Avenue and the Cavalry Parade Field.

Our daughter calls this the Harry Potter closet, it's storage under the stairs. The closet to the left was turned into a WC in the 1930's. Quarters One has 6 original bathrooms and this is the 7th. (Yes, 7 bathrooms...who needs that many?!)

 So what did I do with all of this? It was indeed overwhelming and I needed some where to start (you always need a starting point). There was a large mirror donated by a previous occupant hanging in the dining room that we moved over the fire place, that gave me a direction to go with. Here are the photos...

I gathered some artwork that matched the mirror and to hang in the hall. The photograph was taken of a church in New England by my husband's aunt.  I love this simple montage!

I love layering...even lighting. We always have candles lit when we have guests and even when we don't! Be sure to check and double check your candles when going to bed though, I've been known to leave one or two on by accident but don't tell housing that!!

This buffet is one of the few pieces that belong to Quarters One.   A humidor and our guest book find a home here. We always have guests sign the book, no matter the event. It is so much fun to look back over the years and remember happy times. I know we'll be glad we have this book when our lease is up!

The grand staircase..these are the only military themed pieces of artwork we have in Quarters One. For me, I believe that type of artwork belongs in an office. We have a long tradition of West Pointers and military in our family and this wall reflects that history. The sign on the top right reads  "EAT DRINK AND BEAT NAVY"! The bench on the stairs has become a lovely place to reflect on the beauty of the house and it's intriguing past.

The front hall looking into the living room.

Vintage photos that came with the quarters I added the capitol to give the grouping detail.

This historical plaque also came with the house and is maintained by the Historical and Archeological Society of Fort Riley. It lists all of the occupants of Quarters One for the past 123 years. It's quite an honor to have our family name here!

The Commanding General's Mounted Color Guard often stops here on their tours.

Bill and I always greet our guests at the front door together. We offer drinks, take coats, do all those things that make our guests feel welcome in our home.  Another tip, when we entertain in the evening, I always like to turn on all of the lights in the house all the way up to the fourth floor. Because Quarters One is so imposing I think it makes the house seem warm and welcoming. That's a good tip for anyone having guests over, you just want the whole house to seem happy to see you when you walk up. 

Thanks for visiting! The house is big and the tour may take a while but I hope you enjoy it. Next time I will tell you about my trip to the set of Army Wives and how Quarters One helped inspire some of the sets for season 6!
(www.facebook.com/QuartersOne)

Til next time...Duty First!

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