Asolare

Packed and ready to go...again

Ahh, another deployment... 4 weeks down already.  The past few weeks have been busy but right now, at Quarters One, it's quiet.  I'm alone, except for our dog who guards me diligently as she has for each separation.  At this moment, the year ahead seems too long to tackle.  I can't believe we're beginning our 5th year-long deployment.  Our boys, now Soldiers themselves, graduated from high school during deployments 1 and 2. Our daughter went off to college during 3 and I bought our first house during 4.  Andrew graduated from Ranger school and Margie will graduate from college during 5.  Somewhere in those years, once overlapping with his father,
 our oldest son, Chas, deployed twice.

Bill visiting Chas in Nuristan, Afghanistan

My dear friend, Melissa, tells me I'm sighing a lot without even realizing it.  I wonder why? Could it be that I am settling back into that other life? Last week my husband told me it felt normal to be deployed and I, sadly, had to agree.  Neither of us like the feeling but unfortunately it was easy to slip back into our separate lives...back to a normal that is uncomfortable and ill-fitting. I didn't marry my best friend like some say. I married a good looking young LT that I was madly in love with and, over the years, he has become my best friend. 

 I'm sad and I miss this man with all my being.

Bill and I always have our picture taken on this spot every time we return to West Point.

"Asolare" a strange and little used Italian word coined by the poet Cardinal Pietro Bembo in the 15th century. Used to describe the life of exiled Cyprus Queen Catarina Cornaro, the word translates "to live in bittersweet exile".  I first learned this word when we lived in Italy and I visited the romantic town of Asolo where Catarina lived out her life in "asolare".  Living in bittersweet exile.  I felt that way in Italy during deployments 1 and 2 and I feel that way now.  Fort Riley is an amazing and warm community.  I am surrounded by wonderful neighbors, who have also become my dear friends.  I live in beautiful quarters...and those gifts are the sweet part. But, I am also far away from my children and  family on the East Coast, my home at the shore, the one I love most.... and that is the bitter part.
Asolare.

Seems like there's always someone missing in an Army family's photos, this year it was our son, Andrew.

I'm often asked by friends and family not in the military how I endure these separations. I explain that I just do, there's no plan B or acceptable alternative. To me I have no other option but to be strong and move forward, calling on faith, family, and friends for support. I believe that is my duty to hold down the home front and preserve the life here that my husband entrusted to me when he went to war. It's my duty to keep his place in our lives safe and ready for his return. I never sleep on his side of the bed or use his closet space (even though I'm sure he has more than me). I never sit in his favorite chair to watch tv (although I do happily wield the remote at will). His reading glasses and books are still where he left them ready to be picked up again. I preserve his physical "space" in my life, our life, so that he knows it still belongs to him when he redeploys. 
Living this way I have found that it is easier when he comes home to be released from "asolare" and return back to a life that is truly normal.

Til next time...Duty First